Floating on an Ocean

This year was like floating on an ocean. At first, it seemed peaceful. Sacred, even. Not here nor there. The expanse. Then, as the chill bit and the solitude weighed, any lingering thoughts of peace flew out the window and it was like, get me the fuck out of here.

As 2011 comes to a close, many of us are probably thinking, fuck yeah! Did anyone have a really fantastic year this year? Well, 2011 maybe did have a high point: Game of Thrones. Oh, yeah, and Homeland.

I’m loathe to admit it – even to myself – but I really got shit for writing done this year. 2009 was a stellar writing year, 2010 was not wholly bad, and this year was abysmal. I’m pissed about it. Pissed and also disappointed.

But I have to remind myself that there is an ebb and flow to the creative process. Sometimes life takes over and pulls us in a direction that may take us away from something that is incredibly important to us, or so we think at the time. However, sometimes writing can happen in the times when we’re not actually writing. The creative process moves us forward in spite of ourselves.

This pause in actually writing every day has allowed me space. Space to shift gears, reevaluate and organize myself a bit. I’m growing a larger vision for myself that I certainly wouldn’t have hatched if I had been in the trenches every day all day.

A good friend of mine who is a photographer once told me that the creative process shouldn’t be hard. If it’s too hard, we don’t engage fully. We procrastinate. We find reasons not to. She encouraged me to just write what came, write what wanted to come out. I actually have quite a bit of judgment around this because there are only so many hours in the day, and I find I can only write one piece at a time and outline others. If I’m writing one, there isn’t time to be writing what wants to come out.

But, I actually think that for me this is part of my journey. I do need to teach myself to schedule my day so that I am working on a passion project and also a discipline project. The discipline project might also be a passion project – but it probably just less closely mirrors where I’m at emotionally in the moment. So it feels like heavier lifting, even if it might not really be.

Perhaps if I can balance the two, I will be more productive moving forward.

Perhaps if I can just sit my ass in the chair, I’ll be more productive.

2012 is on the horizon and I’m ready to hit land.